A Fond Farewell

Now Playing - Thanks by Pulley

Well, I have realized that my time as a blogger has come and gone. That is to say, this will be my last ever post on blogspot. For those of you still interested in my exploits, rants and just plain opinions on things, please, feel free to join the community of Red vs Blue. The truth is, I'm a much better fit there than I have ever been here.


So, to everyone who learned How To Get Girls, realized what a bum Vince Carter is, and left a comment about my beliefs, thank you. I'm glad I could put a smile on your face or a thought in your head for at least a small moment in time. I hope you head to Red vs Blue and continue to read about what it is that I do, but if not, have a good one, eh.


Thank you kindly;
J.S.L.

So Much Pride For What's-Her-Name

Now Playing - Northern Touch by The Rascalz


Well, good night tonight, flipping from the baseball to the Miss Universe pageant, I was mildly curious that the Canadian contestant hadn't been eliminated, from the field of 81 to 15 to 10, and she was still hanging around.

And then it happened, Natalie Glebova was voted Miss Universe, a brunette from Toronto. I have to say, congradulations to hr and well... even more condragulations to whoever she's boning right now. The truth is, though I'd still rather have Pam Meuller... the cutie that kicked almost everyon's butt in the Jeopardy tournament of champions a couple of weks ago.

I have nothing else to add, except to tocontinue to plug Jeskid's site and Shades of Gray, and I also want to mention that anyone who wants to tickets from the Red vs Blue event July 9 but doesn't want to get a paypal account can give me an email at BigNiceJohn@gmail.com.

RvB, How To Get... Nobody! and more

Now playing - Theme For A Pretty Girl That Makes You Believe God Exists by Eels


Well, it's been a while since my last post, and I apologize for all of you that waited for my next post to contain actual information about how to get girls. Sadly, after three posts, I've exhausted my repertoire. I admit, I have nothing left to tell anyone, I mean, if I did, I'd have a girlfriend, wouldn't I?

In other good news, the event has come together. Tickets are available, and information is free to be had at the Event Website. Alot of people have worked hard on this, I, only worked a little, but with the guys coming up, should be tonnes of fun.

Now, in other news, I feel like ranting. I really missed hockey, especially seing the great quality games that have been put on by the CHL for the Memorial Cup. The crowd in London has been awesome, and it's great to see the continuing maturation of Sydney Crosby into a bona-fide hockey player.

OH, read Dan Brown, and not just the Da Vinci Code, his other books are good, too.

The Eagerly Anticipated... How To Get Girls... part 3!

Now Playing - Manthem by Bouncing Souls

Ok, now let's say you've managed to land yourself a date with a nice girl willing to put up with your presence for at least a couple of hours... what do you do?? Whee do you go? The answer to all these questions and more lay in the next few paragraphs... read on.


Firstly, never go to a movie on a first date... that's just like sex in the shower.. sounds nice, but in reality just a flat out bad idea. You don't even get to talk to her and find out if either of you has any deep seated issues that will cause the burgeoning relationship to bust. Of course, it's assumed that there will be some sort of meal involved, so go to a place she likes and pray to god they have something you'll like on the menu, and if they don't, find something half-decent and tough it out... suggest you pick a place for the next time (if there is a next time).

Now alot of people like to go to clubs, which is great, except, well... let's face it, if you're reading this, you can't dance. The secret is that you don't have to dance... if you've got a sense of rhythm that is equivalent to that of a basic amoeba (like myself) all you have to do is have a drink in one hand and just kind of bounce... if you can't dance, less really is more, Just Trust Me.

Now say you're lucky enough to not have to go to a dance club, and she wants you to suggest something to do. The best thing I can suggest is a comedy club, which is the best place to learn about a woman without actually having to talk to her. Watch her, see if any jokes make her blush, look at how she laughs, now I don't mean stare, but just, you know... be aware of what she finds funny. It's alot easier to share a couple hours of laughs with someone than it is to spend 2 hours in silence staring at a screen.

Let's also assume that the plan is to go back to your place after the date. You clean up beforehand, right? WRONG! Women see dirt that we just don't. Of course, you might want to take the obvious crap off the floor (hopefully not literally) but don't kill yourself trying to scrub everywhere, your place is dirty and she knows it before you two even get through the door. Just make a bit of an effort and she should be pleased... if she's not, then she must not have alot of experience with single guys... don't worry, she'll learn.

Now be sure to come back monday for the exciting conclusion of How To Get Girls.

How To Get Girls... Part 2

Now Playing - Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover by Eels

Well, I know some of you have been waiting for a few days to see part two, and here it is. One question I ask and am asked is how to talk to girls. This can always be tricky, because women are as a rule better talkers than men. This, sadly doesn't mean that we, I mean men as a whole can't just sit back and let women do all the work, no, we will be called upon early and often to keep up a conversation.

The first real rule of talking to a girl you're interested in and not currently going out with is try to keep it to a minimum. Just like that episode of Seinfeld, you always want to leave them wanting more. Overstaying your welcome in a conversation can be just as bad on the outset as saying 'hey, those are really great breasts" Of course, some might take that as a compliment, but saying that to a girl you just met is more than likely going to get you punched in the eye... no matter how great the boobs in question are.

For some reason, women really seem to like guys that really aren't all that into them. So in a conversation, try to either flirt outrageously and not put any weight into it, or don't do it all. In my experience, I've found that both, if well played can have the desired results.

There is a sad truth that some guys simply have no hope and that some conversations were born to die horible painful deaths for both involved. Sadly, not bieng afflicted with this particular problem myself, I'm afraid that I can not offer any help on how to deal with it. My best guess is to simply ask open ended questions and keep her talking about herself all night.

I'll take a break and my next post will be about something other than the topic at hand, but be sure to stay tuned for How To Get Girls Part 3... coming soon to a blog near you.

How To Get Girls... part 1

"John..." My friends (male and female alike) have asked me "... How come all of your girlfriends have been at least an 8 on the hotness scale and yet are only a 6 at best?"

This is a very good question and the shortest, most honest answer is... I have no godly idea, but if that was the truth, this post would be over now. Instead, I have come to enlighten and entertain and provide some handy information for those on the quest to find at the very least a Ms. Right Now.

Clothes - Now this may simple but it can be very tricky as men have no real idea about clothes. Assuming you're 20, then hopefully you've had at least 3 years experience dressing yourself. Find out what works for you, don't wear what everyone else is wearing, wear what looks good on you. I may not dress to the nines all the time (or at all, quite frankly) but I never look out of step.

Hand in hand with clothes is your look, is the shape of your head suitable that you can get away with wearing a baseball hat most of the time, thereby saving valuable time not combing your hair? Does your chin work best when clean-shaven, or are you lucky enough to be lazy enough to not shave foe a few days and have it work for you? They say look are very important, but that's a half truth at best, if your looks don't make her drool the way she does over Orlando Bloom, that's alright... just don't scare off the poor girl.

Personality - Trickier than clothes because there is no real way to 'get' a woman with your personality. You just have to be yourself and hope she's compatible (or at least somewhat agreeable) with it. There are a few basic rules, though, and if you know yourself well enough, then they should be very easy to follow. Accentuate the positives... if you're funny tel alot of jokes, if you're the kind who stumbles over punchlines then don't overextend yourself.

The hardest thing to learn is to actually listen, and I know that's not really feasable, but you should be able to identify with at least 50% of the words coming out of her mouth, because you are expected to respond with something moderately intelligent.

The last bit I have to say about personality is know your audience. The girl you just met at a club isn't going to care how well your half-elf cleric held up against orcish hordes, and likewise that cute girl in your art history class might not really be interested in going to that Rammstein concert.

Well, that's all for now, stay tuned for part 2, which may or may not include such topics as things to do on a date and how to seduce a girl.

Reviews and... Patriotism?

Now Playing - Simple Twist of Hate by Millencolin


Well, it's been awhile since my last post here and alot of things have happened. New albums by Both Millencolin and Eels have come out, and I've had the chance to sample a couple of new beverages now on the market, here's what I think of all of 'em.

Millencolin's Kingwood is probably going to be one of the best punk albums released all year, after the seemingly forced songwriting on parts of Home from Home, it's a treat to see them go back to their punk roots and grow naturally, just playing songs they want to play. The behind the scenes footage included on the cd is also one of the best glimpses into what a band is really like while recoding an album.

Muppet Scale of Rating; Kingwood gets a Fozzie, might not be exactly what you want at first, but grows on you with every listen, and is realy a much more full character than you first realize.

And on to the Brilliance. Eels' Blinking Lights and Other Revelations is simply a stunning record. I have no other words to describe it. It's a double album, with the first disc featuring the softer balad-type reflective songs and instrumentals that are the base of all Eels albums. The second disc rocks, and the lyrical content is as heavy as ever, even if the music doesn't quite reach hard rock status. This album is E's masterpiece, alhtough I'd love to see him try and top himself. It's been out a week and I've listened to it more times than I can count already.

Muppet Scale of Rating; Blinking Lights and Other Revelations scores a Swedish Chef... absolute brilliance, and when it's over, you always wish there was more.


Now, I had a chance to try Kick, Molson's new lager with Guarana, and it's not bad, that is ti say it tastes like regular beer. It's hard to tell how muhc of a kick there actually is, but I ended up staying up very late that night.

Now I was walking donw the street today, and I can honestly say I saw the most god-awfull shirt I have ever seen. It was a simple American flag that read Patriotism, An American Tradition. Now I'm not anti-american, but I am anti-idiot, and sadly those two often more similiar than you might think. This shirt, though is completely ridiculous. Firstly, American Tradition? Patriotism has been around since people first started to divide themselves into groups of nations, and thee's a reason so many soccer matches end in violence... patriotism, seeped in centuries of warfare since before America was a twinkle in anyone's eye aside form the Indians who lived there... and we all know what happened to them.

Secondly, is it really right to boast about your ugliest trait? I mean, you don't see me running around with a t-shirt with my picture that says John; Wildly Flatulent With a Small Penis. America is the only country that routinely tells the world how great it is, and it's a reason most countries around the world are sick of Americans. FOr us up here in Canada, though *sighs* We're used to it, but we make up for it by overcharging them for lumber and eletricity.